I feel like the progress of this project is grinding to a halt. I’ve been unavailable to spend a lot of my recent hours looking for participates. It is draining and I might not finish, but I am not giving up. Perhaps if I don’t get to 28 participates before my 28th birthday, I will just have to add something to the end of the title of the project to extend it:
A Kiss Is Just A Kiss:
28 Before 28 (Is Over) Project
That would give me another 12 months, and much less stress on my poor introverted self. If I were an extrovert, this project would be much, much easier.
It was the first day of Spring, and rather than focusing on the notion that “Love is in the air,” I decided to direct my attention to Spring Cleaning. I caught up on a month of laundry, cleaned my apartment and generally was content with not interacting with other humans. I needed the stress break. The closest thing I did to furthering the project directly was scheduling two willing souls for Saturday.
I honestly didn’t even consider my project on this day, which is the first day since it’s inception, because I had important housing and community issues to which I attended. I’m not at all sorry, as I directed my energy, time and focus where I needed it and wanted it to be.
I got up at a decent time and went to my local coffee shop to start the hard copy to digital copy edit of my first novel. I planned this location specifically for that purpose, and the purpose of meeting my next participant. I sent him a message, letting him know where I was inside the shop, as I knew that once I started the edit, I would be rather distracted.
I thought Colin was a no-show when I left the coffee shop 55 minutes after our proposed meeting time to go to a family brunch. I wondered if I had been too engrossed in editing my novel for him to find me, or if you forgot. I found out this morning that he had sat outside the cafe for 45 minutes with a sign that said KATHY while he did some writing of his own. It was a missed connection, and he wishes me well on the project.
The day was gray, which does nothing positive for me: it lowers my energy level, and I ended up needing a nap after brunch. I woke up in time to wander to my next meeting, although my brain was a little fuzzy from the afternoon snooze.
There were lots of random people in the square where I was scheduled to meet my next participant, and I was feeling too drained for project by the time my next participant walked up.
4. Andrew. A very tall man when compared to my 5′ 2 13/16″ height.
I think the poor guy could tell I’m clumsy, as he warned me about the rail I might bump into (I knew it was there) when I departed. He was polite, and asked the parameters of what was going to happen.
Well, I’m going to kiss you, and then I’m going to leave.
I wonder if people expect an extrovert when they come to meet up with me, as my written persona is very skilled at projecting my internal voice, but I do not come across the same way in person. I trip on words, find it difficult to organize my thoughts and sometimes feel I have nothing to add to the conversation – occasionally this is because I have already had the conversation in my head to my level of satisfaction. I almost feel a need to apologize for not living up to the expectations one might get from reading my words before meeting me. Almost, but not really. I am who I am, and if this project where about getting to know people instead of just sharing a brief moment together, I’m sure they would understand.
I just hope no one things I’m a jerk. I’m just shy and introverted, not an asshat.