On Nostalgia

(Author’s Note: I have rehearsal for a vaudeville show tonight in which the theme is nostalgia, which led me on this though path.)

Nostalgia for past events that make us happy and sad at the same time:

Even though life is going well, today reminds me that the future we are told to covet didn’t work out for me.

This time last year, I was in my favourite city, joyfully drinking lovely beverages and blissfully unaware that the only relationship I’d ever had where my partner wasn’t lying when he said he loved me was about to end in ten days.

I don’t miss it because I think everything was perfect; it wasn’t. I miss having a partner. I find it hard to open up to people, and having a partner also means having someone who I’m not afraid to talk to if I need to talk.

I now have that in friends, although I’m still very guarded, and often require prompting to realize I want to talk and that I can do so. I don’t need romantic love to be loved. I’m not doing anything so melodramatic as swearing off romantic love, as I would enjoy it should it happen again between myself and another man, but I am reaffirmed in my knowledge that it is a preference, not a requirement.

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